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speedy0103
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 4th 2011, 12:25 am

Right now you should do what feels right for you but I'm so glad that you feel comfortable sharing here. So many people care about you and are available if and when you need them. I will always be one of them. One day at a time. Hug wrap up in arms
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 4th 2011, 7:54 am

big hug
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 7th 2011, 10:01 am

Blue, I just want to check on you today and see if you are doing okay? I know yesterday was bluer than blue, and I hope today sunshine is somehow reaching through the cracks. You will get through this, one day at a time...or even one hour at a time when days seem too long... Hug wrap up in arms

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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 7th 2011, 4:03 pm

Blue.....You are constantly on my mind! Smile I hope that each day that passes becomes a little easier than the one before. If you should need ANYTHING....someone to talk to or anything, please know that I am here for you.

~warm hugs~
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Lori
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 7th 2011, 4:24 pm

blue - I hope today is a bit better for your. Hugs!!
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blueeyed
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 10th 2011, 6:18 pm

Sorry I haven't been checking in. I moved back home and it has been really hard. I sleep alot and cry alot. I think the shock is finally wearing off and real life is finding its way back in. I'm just sad, very sad.
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 10th 2011, 6:26 pm

I'm sure it's very hard Blueeyed and deep sadness is something that every one of us wishes we could help you deal with even though we can't.
Thank you for checking in. I think of you every day.
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 10th 2011, 6:45 pm

Hug wrap up in arms
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blueeyed
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 10th 2011, 7:02 pm

Thank you guys for being here for me. Sometimes its the only place I can really say how I feel.
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Lori
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 10th 2011, 7:05 pm

blueeyed wrote:
Sorry I haven't been checking in. I moved back home and it has been really hard. I sleep alot and cry alot. I think the shock is finally wearing off and real life is finding its way back in. I'm just sad, very sad.

Sweetie - don't worry about checking in. Just know we are here for you whenever you need us.
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 10th 2011, 8:07 pm

Blueeyed (((HUGS)))
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KelliM
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 10th 2011, 8:21 pm

Blue, I think the hardest part is when reality does set in. Luckily our bodies protect us at the beginning or we would never make it through the first day and weeks after.

I know how hard it is for you. I don't wanna sound like a broken record, but please call me. I'm a really good listener. I would love to talk to you.
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bergen
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 10th 2011, 8:21 pm

always in my thoughts blueeyed. cheek kiss
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Frances
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 10th 2011, 10:16 pm

Yes, I agree with everyone here, talk or just read when you can. You've left an indelible mark on my heart and mind.

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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 10th 2011, 10:41 pm

blueeyed wrote:
Sorry I haven't been checking in. I moved back home and it has been really hard. I sleep alot and cry alot. I think the shock is finally wearing off and real life is finding its way back in. I'm just sad, very sad.

Don't be sorry. I think we all wish we could do more.

blueeyed wrote:
Thank you guys for being here for me. Sometimes its the only place I can really say how I feel.

Hug wrap up in arms
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 11th 2011, 11:15 pm

(((Blueeyed))) If you want to talk, message me back on Twitter. I'm still here for you.

I don't want to lose contact with you and wanted you to know I'm still thinking of you every day.
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 14th 2011, 9:51 am

Hey, blue - still am thinking about you and hope you're making it through the days ok. Smile

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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 14th 2011, 5:18 pm

blueeyed wrote:
Thank you guys for being here for me. Sometimes its the only place I can really say how I feel.

Hug wrap up in arms

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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 23rd 2011, 5:19 pm

Blueeyed...I also know how it feels to have a child die. It is just worse than horrible.

Our daughter died 5 years ago...she was just 6.

There is nothing anyone can say to ever make it feel better...but, some days you may want to talk, some days you will cry, or be angry...

I also love telling "Brecken Stories"...she was quite a card... It took a long time before I was able to really talk about her without crying. Hopefully having this board will help some...you can write and post...and cry in between.

It may not ever be the same...but you can get through this.
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 23rd 2011, 8:07 pm

Hugs to you Stephlj

I told Blue I was available anytime she wanted to talk and that offer extends to any of you Mom's who have lost precious ones. Please pm me and I will give you my contact info.

For me, it will be 3 yrs on October 6. I'm like you Steph and I love to share Brian stories with anyone that will listen, and there are so many wonderful people on this site that actually listen and care.

Blue, I hope you are doing ok. I know you aren't really "ok" but I hope you are finding ways to get through the days. Continued prayers and hugs your way.

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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 23rd 2011, 8:33 pm

Hugs to all of you who are going through this loss. I don't know what to say sometimes because I fear I might say the wrong thing. Thank you for sharing the memories of your kids with all of us.

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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 24th 2011, 1:27 am

Thanks everyone. You are right Kelli I'm not "ok". Its been really hard this week. I can't wait for the time when I can share stories, the pain is just too much right now. I just haven't been able to stop crying the few days.
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Mappy
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 24th 2011, 8:13 am

Hug wrap up in arms
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Maureen
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 24th 2011, 8:17 am

blueeyed wrote:
Thanks everyone. You are right Kelli I'm not "ok". Its been really hard this week. I can't wait for the time when I can share stories, the pain is just too much right now. I just haven't been able to stop crying the few days.

((((((((((((((((((((Blue))))))))))))))))))))))) Hug wrap up in arms
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 24th 2011, 8:26 am


if I could I would take your pain for a day, an hour, but I can't so I will ask what I would if you were my daughter;

are you able to sleep?
how about eating? if you can at all, please eat healthy as much as you can.

Hug wrap up in arms
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 24th 2011, 9:00 am

stephlj wrote:
Blueeyed...I also know how it feels to have a child die. It is just worse than horrible.

Our daughter died 5 years ago...she was just 6.

There is nothing anyone can say to ever make it feel better...but, some days you may want to talk, some days you will cry, or be angry...

I also love telling "Brecken Stories"...she was quite a card... It took a long time before I was able to really talk about her without crying. Hopefully having this board will help some...you can write and post...and cry in between.

It may not ever be the same...but you can get through this.

Thank you for sharing that with us. Hugs!!
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Lori
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 24th 2011, 9:01 am

blueeyed wrote:
Thanks everyone. You are right Kelli I'm not "ok". Its been really hard this week. I can't wait for the time when I can share stories, the pain is just too much right now. I just haven't been able to stop crying the few days.

I think about you all the time and I do keep you in my prayers. I wish there was more I could do.
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 24th 2011, 9:37 am

Blueeyed big hug
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 29th 2011, 12:19 pm

I just wanted to check in. I've been having ok days and then a few really bad days. It seems worse lately, which is very confusing. I guess the first couple of weeks was shock and medication. Now its reality. I just miss him so much. I came home after Labor Day weekend and its really the only place to be. I'm going a little stir crazy but I'm going back to work on the 10th of October. I'm hoping that will help. My family has been my rock, I don't know what I would do without them.

We also have a new addition to the family, her name is Courtney, she is adorable. I spend a lot of time with them. The grocery store is the one place I have not been able to go to, so I've come up with a solution, I'll be taking my 3.5 year old great-niece with me and see how that goes.

Thanks everyone for the hugs, love and prayers.
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Lori
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 29th 2011, 12:22 pm

Hi blueeyed...very good idea to take your niece shopping with you. She will occupy your thoughts and actions.

I think going back to work will help. You are so fortunate to have such a loving rock solid family. Lean on them as much as you can. They will get you through the difficult times.

I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I know it hasn't been easy for you.

xoxoxoxoxo
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 29th 2011, 12:28 pm

Hug wrap up in arms
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 29th 2011, 2:19 pm

blueeyed wrote:
I just wanted to check in. I've been having ok days and then a few really bad days. It seems worse lately, which is very confusing. I guess the first couple of weeks was shock and medication. Now its reality. I just miss him so much. I came home after Labor Day weekend and its really the only place to be. I'm going a little stir crazy but I'm going back to work on the 10th of October. I'm hoping that will help. My family has been my rock, I don't know what I would do without them.

We also have a new addition to the family, her name is Courtney, she is adorable. I spend a lot of time with them. The grocery store is the one place I have not been able to go to, so I've come up with a solution, I'll be taking my 3.5 year old great-niece with me and see how that goes.

Thanks everyone for the hugs, love and prayers.

It will seem worse for awhile. That's completely normal. I think our bodies protect us for a short while and then reality does set in. It's harsh but necessary, I guess.

I'm so glad to hear you are going back to work. It helps to occupy those hours in the day when you sit around thinking. It helps you to learn to talk to people again. It's a big step and I'm glad you're taking it!!

The grocery store was difficult for me as well. It's a great idea to take Courtney with you and I'm so glad you have new additions to the family!! We have had 3 new ones as well in the past 3 yrs and it's wonderful.

Don't get too frustrated with yourself. Your mind and body have suffered the worst shock ever and it takes awhile to recover from that shock. You are doing an awesome job and taking the right steps. I'm very proud of you!!

I'm still waiting on that phone call, but in the meantime, I'm gonna send you the names of a couple of books that helped me along the way. They may help you as well.

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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 29th 2011, 4:35 pm

blueeyed wrote:
I just wanted to check in. I've been having ok days and then a few really bad days. It seems worse lately, which is very confusing. I guess the first couple of weeks was shock and medication. Now its reality. I just miss him so much. I came home after Labor Day weekend and its really the only place to be. I'm going a little stir crazy but I'm going back to work on the 10th of October. I'm hoping that will help. My family has been my rock, I don't know what I would do without them.

We also have a new addition to the family, her name is Courtney, she is adorable. I spend a lot of time with them. The grocery store is the one place I have not been able to go to, so I've come up with a solution, I'll be taking my 3.5 year old great-niece with me and see how that goes.

Thanks everyone for the hugs, love and prayers.

blueeyed, My heart is breaking for you as I read your comments and I recognize the emotional rollercoaster you're on. My daughter was murdered a few years ago but it still seems like yesterday.Please know that what you're feeling is perfectly normal for a parent who has lost a child.

One thing that has helped me is working with other parents who have lost children. Helping other parents has helped me.There is no handbook for how to deal with the loss of a child, unfortunately. Many people will tell you what to do or what to feel. Listen to your heart and your body. Only you know what's right for you. Don't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to do. Each person is different and grieves in their own way. People mean well but often they are unable to understand because they have not walked in your shoes.

It's Ok to talk about your son and it's also OK NOT to talk if you don't want to. I know I only feel comfortable talking about my daughter to certain people. That's OK. Whatever feels best to you is what you need to do. Take your time. Don't feel rushed to go through "the stages of grief." I've gone through some of them many times. There is no set amount of time to grieve.

Something I have struggled with is people asking me if I have "closure" yet. Blueeyed, please ignore that word!! I hate it and so do all the parents I've talked to. There is no such thing as closure when you lose a child. They will always be a part of you. You will always love them and cherish each and every memory you have of them. You will always love seeing their photographs and smiling when you think of them. "Closure" is one of those psychobabble words that means nothing! It won't happen. It just makes you feel like there's something wrong with you when you realize it isn't happening.

In fact, I don't want closure with my daughter. I want to keep her memory alive and honor her memory, just as I feel you do for your son. We have done several things such as start a scholarship in her name at her university, donating her favorite childhood books to the library with a nameplate with her name on it, picking an "angel" from our local angel tree each Christmas and buying a needy child or family gifts in her honor. All of these things help me by expressing the love so many had for her by showing love toward others.

Blueeyed, please pm me if you'd like to. Since I first read about your son, you have been in my thoughts and prayers. There are many loving, caring people here who are thinking of you each day. I haven't been here long but I've seen the compassion and feel blessed to be among such caring people. May God bless you. Take gentle care of yourself.
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 29th 2011, 5:54 pm

Ahh Shug and Blueeyed ... it's so hard to read about the pain you both have experienced and are continuing to experience. Please continue to share with us if you feel like it might help. I think of you every day and hope that you are managing to do what you need to do, day by day, to cope.
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 29th 2011, 6:45 pm

((((((((((((( Blue )))))))))))))

((((((((((((( Shug ))))))))))))


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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 29th 2011, 8:14 pm

What a great post Shug!! You are so right!! There never will be closure and whoever came up with that concept, never lost a child.

Hugs for you as well
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 29th 2011, 10:33 pm

Blue, Shug and kelliM group hug
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 30th 2011, 9:31 am

So sad for the pain that you all have to go through.

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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 30th 2011, 5:55 pm

Hug wrap up in arms

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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   October 3rd 2011, 6:30 pm

Thinking of you Hug wrap up in arms
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